


Lament

by sg1mouse



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 16:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg1mouse/pseuds/sg1mouse
Summary: The pain of losing the chance of love is too much for Jack to keep to himself.





	Lament

 

“What are you doing in here?” he asked with only slightly more force than he intended.

“Um,” Jonas looked up startled, “putting my stuff away.”

Jack shook his head, “No!  Not here.  This cannot be your space…”

Looking suspiciously at the silver haired man, he cocked his head to one side and gave him an innocent smile.

“General Hammond told me to set up an office.  Since everything I need is here,” he shrugged, “I just figured this would be as good a place as any.”

O’Neill crossed the floor in what seemed to be negative time and was in the hapless alien’s face.  His eyes dark, focused, freighting.

“NOT. THIS. OFFICE.”  He held Jonas in his steel gaze for a moment longer, then backed away.

Visibly shaken, the other man gathered up his meager belongings and looked at O’Neill asking, “Where can I set up then, sir?”

Jack walked behind the desk and began to straighten the books and papers on it.  He reverently picked up a photo of his team… but not his team any longer.

“There’s a broom closest down the hall a piece, you can have that.”

Jonas actually laughed, but then saw the look the Colonel was giving him and stopped.  “You… you’re serious?”

Silence.

Knowing that O’Neill was someone not to be fooled with, Jonas started out the door only to stop when he heard the quiet voice.

“Do you know who the man was that your people killed?” Jack asked softly.

Quinn turned back speechless.  It was a question that the other man wanted an answer too, but one he really wasn’t sure _how_ to answer.  He knew that O’Neill and Jackson were close, but he was under the impression that it was only as teammates.  Looking at the older man now, however, gave Jonas pause.

“I, I really didn’t get to know him very well… on a personal level.”

Jack nodded slightly, still not looking at him.  He really didn’t like Jonas very much.  Kind of reminded him of Opie from “The Andy Griffith Show”.  All innocent with a ‘Golly Gee’ look about him.  It made Jack’s skin crawl.

Then he thought about his first meeting with Daniel, and a small twitch pulled at the corners of his mouth.  He never thought ‘Opie’ for his friend, but definitely ‘Geek’!  Jack wondered just how that man wormed his way into his soul.  How the younger man had torn all of his defenses down to pile around his feet.  How Daniel had stolen his heart.

O’Neill startled when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.  He had forgotten that Jonas was still there.  He sat the photo back in its place, with one last lingering finger on Daniel’s face.

“I have been to hundreds of planets.  Meet thousands of people and yet, I can’t find a more compassionate, brilliant, stubborn man in all the universe as Daniel Jackson,” he paused, trying not to let his emotions seep through.  “He was the best of all of us but he never saw himself that way.”

Jonas was becoming more and more convinced that O’Neill had been in love with Jackson.  On his planet, that was acceptable and no one even thought twice about it, but here… he got the distinct impression it was a taboo subject.

“Um, Colonel?” Quinn said softly, “Were you and Dr. Jackson, um… in a relationship?”

Jack’s head snapped up and he glared at the other man.

“WHAT?  NO!” he shouted, hoping that Jonas didn’t hear the slight crack in his voice.  “He was… he was my best friend.”

The alien did hear the crack in Jack’s voice and saw the pain etched on his face.

“On Kelowna, it’s perfectly natural to have same sex bonds.  In fact, they are usually far more strong and last much longer than marriages of men with women.”

O’Neill walked quickly over to the door of the office and closed it.  He leaned his head against the cool metal as he collected his thoughts.

“This isn’t Kelowna.  It’s not okay for me to be in love with another man, especially in the military.”

He turned to face Jonas, his eyes wet.  Jack’s emotions were getting the better of him.  His heart was screaming to let them out while his mind was desperately trying to shut them down.  Why did he have the sudden urge to reveal his deepest, darkest secret with this… this person?  The person he actually held responsible for Daniel’s death.

The word streamed out before he could catch them, “I never told him.  In fact, I was pushing him away because— because I got scared that he would catch on.  I love every member of my team far more than I should as the commanding officer, but with Daniel… it was more.  With Daniel, I feel lost if he’s not around.  Like something is missing from my body.  I don’t even know when the feelings began to change for me.”

Jack went and sat down on the couch that was always in the office.  Jonas followed his lead and sat on a stool.

“I did… love him,” rubbing a hand over his face, Jack continued, “I’ve never said that out loud.  Figured if I didn’t it wouldn’t be real.  That I could ignore it and the feelings would go away.  Now, now I will never be able to tell him how much… I loved him.  How much he meant to me.”

Jonas could tell that this was a side of O’Neill that no one ever saw.  He felt honored that the man would open up this small piece to him.  He also knew that he was the only one other then Teal’c, that Jack could trust to keep his secret.  Sometimes being not from this planet had its perks.

“Why didn’t you let him know?” Quinn asked quietly.

Jack let out a snort of derision.  “Right!  That would go over really well!”  The sarcasm was dripping from each word.  “ _Hey, Danny, just thought you’d like to know, I’m in love with you.  I want to fuck you six ways to Sunday, and have you blow me until I can’t think straight._   Yeah, that would really relieve the tension between us.  He’d hate me.”

Jonas rested his hand on Jack’s shoulder, “Maybe he would have liked to hear that you loved him.  That you wanted him.”

O’Neill looked at him in amazement, “Daniel was straight.  Hell, I was straight until I fell for him.”

“You don’t know what Daniel might have thought, Colonel.  I may not have known him for very long, but I could tell what kind of person he was.  I know that he wouldn’t have held your feelings against you.  And I know he would never have hated you.”

Jack sat with his head in his hands and for the first time since Charlie died, he wept.  Jonas sat quietly and waited for the other man to get it all out.  He really wished that he had gotten to know Dr. Jackson better now.  To have this level of emotion come from a man such as O’Neill, Daniel had to have been extraordinary.

It seemed like hours had passed before Jack finally calmed down.  Jonas handed him a box of Kleenex and Jack just laughed.  “When General Hammond first brought me back here, I used a box of Kleenex like this to prove that Daniel was alive and well on Abydos.  A short time later, he sent the box back, empty and on the side he had written, ‘Thanks.  Send More’.”

Jonas chuckled.  His people had done a great injustice to this world by robbing them of Dr. Jackson.  And an even greater disservice to Daniel by laying _their_ blame on his shoulders.

“I’m very sorry for the loss of Dr. Jackson, Colonel.  I’m sorry that you didn’t have the opportunity to let him know how you felt.  I’m sure that he would have accepted your love gracefully and never hold it against you.”

O’Neill nodded, “Remind me to tell you more about him.  I know you two would’ve been friends.”

Jack stood up and walked to the door.  As he opened it, he said over his shoulder, “Take care of his things.  He would appreciate it… and so will I.”

He turned and left the room, leaving Jonas to begin to unpack his meager belongings yet again.

 

~Fin~


End file.
